Saturday in the park, I think it was the 8th of January?

Nope. I didn't go to the park. Today I woke up late as hell for an ASL competition but somehow made it there on time. ASL to me, means Academic Sports League. Not age/sex/location, or any def people thing.
It's a long day of testing, giving speeches, being interviewed and being amongst friends. These are always happy days! Today less so then normal. . . but still happy! I did decent-ish on most categories. I got a medal in speech. Which means I was in the top three of the speech giving category. The two who beat me went to the same judge who handed out perfect scores all day, go figure. But none the less I did insanely well.
My judge cried. She gave me a hug and told me I was inspirational. It meant a lot. Not as much as it would of from someone I knew, but the gesture is the same. Maybe more so? Friends are friends when they want to be. She was a volunteer, she didn't have to do anything but write down some scores.
I saw old friends from Harborcreek. As I always do at those things. It was nice. I miss that school. To an extent. I miss some of the environment. The educational system is just so much better there.
People made plans to go to the mall with me after the competition. I was blown off. This may sound bad and all. But, I can't remember the last time I hung out with friends. I've seen Greyson, Kenzie, and Jared a few times. Truly my life is empty of social interaction.
But I guess that is to expected when you plan your life around someone? My ability to deal with this situation goes up and down. I utterly miss her. Like I couldn't imagine. Some days I can cope. I keep myself busy and look towards the sky and say everything will be okay. And genuinely I am better. But somedays I want to walk up to her and kiss her and hug her and for everything to be better.
So here I sit, with another night of being alone with no plans. Normally Ashley would be here, and we would be holding each other. I wish I could re-live all those moments. I severely unappreciated them.
The only thing I will never get about this all. How someone could promise you forever, look you dead in the eye and say they loved you and this would never end. And then to tell you that it won't workout. That nothing will fix this. I can't understand. No matter how much I try.
I just hope she's happy. Her smile lets me know everything will be okay.