House of Reflection.

Much like the halls of reflection. But, in a house. I stayed home today. 99% intentionally. I was tired and just wanted to sleep an extra hour but completely honestly I hoped my Mom wouldn't wake me up.
So I thought a lot. I dreamed a lot. And I've come to several conclusions. In no particular order.

- I need to start working out again. I miss working out a ton and the excuse that it's cold outside is bullshit and who the hell am I trying to tell this excuse to? It's not benefiting me.

-Ashley is not my girlfriend. She is not my best friend. She is not even my friend at this point. She has made it clear she wants nothing to do with me and I am a horrible person. And honestly, she's not wrong at this point.

-I need to study for ASL I can't just ride on my ability to guess extremely well on tests for the rest of my life. It's personally acceptable to me in classes that I don't care about in any way at all. But seeing as I am doing this in classes that will honestly effect the rest of my life, I need to stop and spend the hour a day doing some damn work.

-I am going to start playing WoW again. And video games in general. They are fun. Half of my vocabulary comes from those games. And half of my friends and good memories come from them. Sounds sad? Well, sucks it's not your life.

-I am for the first time in my life, second guessing med school. Not because I couldn't do it, or that I wouldn't enjoy helping people and the hundred hour work weeks. But because when I think of my life in twenty years I have no desire to be a doctor. I don't want to be on call at 2 am with my family at home. I want to make video games. Not the creative side, but the technical side. It's my passion and it's something I'd really love to be a part of. Working around people who at least enjoy the same things as me, helping be part of something bigger then myself sounds great. How else can someone leave a mark in a world with six billion people.

-Give up on bad friends. I miss being buried in books in school. Being popular is fucking over-rated. I have a million and a half friends, everyone in school knows me, but maybe two people could actually name one thing I like to do? Or anything about me?

-Get a job. I want to. But this is low on the priority list.

-Make a decision that has been on my mind for the last month. More and more so everyday.

-Play guitar. I want to learn for god sakes.

-Be a better family member. I cause 100 problems a day and fix 0.

-Forgive myself. For everything. Move on. Six billion people. Fish in the sea. You're only 17. Yeah... all that crap people tell you. I need to believe it.

I'm going to go bother Doug. My drugs are kicking in. Now I am just like all of you.