I know. It's been forever.

So I started writing this blog out of sheer bliss. I was loving life and thought everything would be perfect forever. Well, it is perfect. Though it's not always happy, there is happiness to be found in that thought.
The bad times are what make the good times, good. I mean, we would never know we were extremely happy unless, we had some time of complete misery to use as a reference point.
Well this night will forever and always be my reference point. The reason I will never let another thing bring me down. I've lost the girl of my dreams. But not just that, I lost my best friend.
Ashley, has been hands down, the most important person in my life since we became friends. Not only did I go to her for everything, she came to me. The first part was comforting, the second part was life changing.
Feeling so important to someone really changed me. It gave me the strength to deal with all my problems a thousand times over. I felt like someone counted on me that I couldn't let down.

For the last few weeks I have felt completely destroyed. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. I couldn't feel happy, or even upset. I felt numb. My body rejected food just as much as my mind did. Taking in anything to continue the existence I was living felt truly torturous.

But, I didn't write this to complain. I wrote this as a constant reference point for myself. To remember that if I can make it through this with a smile, I can make it through anything...

I plan on blogging a lot more. Not because of my newly found free time. But, to make sure I keep myself busy. Busy in a way that doesn't just take up time, but makes me feel better about who I am.

I have spent so much of my living for other people. Trying to follow one persons ideas and having no true concepts of my own. I truly couldn't tell you my favorite things to do, or my favorite sport, or what really makes me happy.

So here goes.

Collin's Life Chapter Two: Finding inner happiness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIL_2gVu2Oo&feature=related