Please.

Let this work. I need this. I really hope everyone understands. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I know I am not exactly the ideal son, or brother, or friend. I know I cause more stress and pain in all of your lives then I do anything. But let me do this for me. I don't trust myself to hold on much longer. This is getting too hard for me. I can only sleep away so much of my life. It's permeating. My dreams are infected. There is no escape here, and I can't deal with the problem. It won't go away. No matter how many times I look it dead in the eye it gets harder, more elusive, and more deadly. Don't let me fail for your own pride and hearts. I'll be gone soon anyway. Don't take away my future. I promise staying here will do that quicker then anything. My body, my mind. . .my soul can't take anymore. Please if there is any form of god out there. Whoever and whatever you are, help me in this endeavor. I truly have no where else to turn. This is truly my final attempt.