Someone asked me today. "You know if you stay up so late. . . you're just going to make it harder on yourself?"
And that's true. Maybe. But I like it that way, I like the numbness that comes with being exhausted. The oblivion, and the quiet chaos that exists only in my own head. Everybody elses problems are suddenly the farthest thing from my own, because I have things to deal with too.
If I'm tired I have a qualified excuse to keep myself at home, to evade constant problems that really don't concern me anyway. Sometimes I don't even need to try to block things out. The exhaustion does it for me, and I like that. . .
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